Howard Feldman | Head of Marketing & People | Synthesis Technologies | mail me |
This is not about Israel. Or Palestine. Or Gaza. It is not about Hamas, the atrocities perpetrated, or about civilian deaths on both sides of the border. It is about us. It is about our ability to speak, be heard and in turn, to listen and to hear. Ten minutes on anyone’s social media feed and it becomes evident that there is not a lot of that happening.
So much noise. So many words. But so little communication.
I remember as a young child when a very larger than life cousin called “Maureen” (not her real name) came to visit us in South Africa. It was the first time I had met an American, let alone a New Yorker. She was a lot. In all senses of the word a caricature of what we imagined one to be. I will never forget sitting on the back seat of my mother’s Datsun on a drive out to Hartebeespoort Dam where we ride the cable car, thinking that I needed to open the window to let out some of her sound. I had never heard anyone so loud, and struggled to cope or process anything that she was saying. It felt more like an assault than a discussion.
Later that night when I asked my mother why Maureen didn’t have an indoor voice, she explained that maybe Maureen, who lived alone in an overcrowded area, didn’t feel heard. And so, as a result and in desperation, she got louder and louder and louder to ensure that she did.
It didn’t work. Because all I could hear was sound instead of the message. I avoided her after that until she went home to her overcrowded city, where she lived alone.
This was before social media. And yet the principle still seems to apply. We live in a world of followers, commentators, supporters, and adversaries. We are desperate to be heard, and yet the more we shout and scream, the less we succeed.
It seems that this is not a new problem. Prior to Maureen, there was King David who is said to be the author of Proverbs. He understood this well when he wrote: “They have mouths, but cannot speak, and eyes but cannot see. They have ears, but cannot hear, and noses but cannot smell. They have hands but cannot feel, and feet but cannot walk, and throats, but cannot make a sound. And those who make idols, are just like them, as are all who trust in them.”
Simon and Garfunkel picked up on this theme in the Sound of Silence:
“And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.”
It’s not just the volume that shifts when we are unheard. In our desperation we often become more dramatic and more extreme. We exaggerate and then resort to hyperbole. Instead of making a point that seems mundane, we dramatise it so that there is a greater chance of being paid attention to.
Ironically, much like cousin Maureen, the louder we get the less we are heard.
Another aspect of our fractured world is that we are living with pain. Whereas some of us are deeply connected to Israel through faith and family, others are connected to the Palestinian cause for similar reasons. Some of us support one side or another because of sympathy to friends or life experience. It doesn’t matter how we came to it. It matters that the pain of current situation sometimes feels too much to handle.
A wise friend, retired but still very active judge Ezra Goldstein, has a habit of speaking at family functions. His message to the next generation is consistent and unequivocal. “Imagine ‘Fragile! Handle with care!’ written on each person’s forehead.” His message is that no matter how people present, they are still fragile and they are still dealing with things that make them vulnerable.
Cousin Maureen was a case in point. She was both unheard and fragile. Her trip to South Africa came at time when she was feeling this profoundly. What was annoying and off putting to us was simply a reflection of her need to be heard and seen.
This is not about Maureen. Or Israel. Or Palestine. Or Gaza. Or Hamas. It is about us. And is a reminder to us all that increase in volume doesn’t increase our chances of our message being delivered.
